I can't believe the things I see on Broadway today
The ladies of the evening are going away
Disney's built a fortress in the heart of Times Square
The most wholesome people will soon be there

They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think
They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think

Hubert had his circus on Forty-Second street
The most fabulous freaks you'd ever want to meet
To us that emporium was built on hallowed ground
But the city fathers shut it down

They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think
They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think

No more raunch, no more sleeze
Not even one old time polite striptease
They don't rob, they don't steal
And they confuse that Batman's car with a pimpmobile

They don't curse, they don't swear
And on Sunday mornings they are lost in prayer
They don't lie, they don't cheat
They're Christian soldiers and they're marching down our street

Grant's was the best bar I was ever in
The center of the universe, a cauldron of sin
Sure sometimes when the lights went out, someone would get shot
That's no reason to bring back Camelot

They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think
They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think
They don't smoke. They don't drink
They'll turn this town into a mall
And I don't know what to think

In the golden days of yore
Grayline would take them on a tour
It was them, it was us
But at least they would remain upon the bus

They say thanks, they say please
And they cover up their noses when they sneeze
They have jobs, no welfare
They don't even know the meaning of despair

They don't shout, they don't spit
There aren't many crimes they're willing to commit
They don't pack guns, they don't pull knives
I don't know how these people think they will survive